it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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