Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
