Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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