A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
