We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
