google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
