You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
