and you said cock pushups were impossible
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize