Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just had sex bonerless
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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