she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
