Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you never un-have a 4some
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
