sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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