my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize