So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
