Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
