I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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