I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize