Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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