She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
