yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
