Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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