i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
