pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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