I'm really into asian looking animals
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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