I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
