he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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