you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
