I look better un-naked...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
