i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
