I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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