Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
