I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone signed my nipple.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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