apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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