dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize