you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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