Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
