he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
