I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My pussy is not your playground.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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