everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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