one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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