i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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