Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
