Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
