thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is the high leading the old right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
