I CAN MOONWALK!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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