My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
