My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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