I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
