Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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