Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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