I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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