If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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