Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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