were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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