Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
