Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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