I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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