Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
