He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
soo... how was my night?
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