I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
