You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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