You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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