so explain again why im purple
no
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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