allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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