before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
