And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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