She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
