It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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