So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
