did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize