you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This baby is an asshole
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
