if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
