I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
