Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
