Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize